Stream of conciousness

Sitting at work with not much to do. I've actually begun to jot things down I see on my way to work or when I'm heading home just so I don't forget them. The first thing I jotted down is about the subway. More so the people in the trains. Have you ever noticed when a big person..(I actually like to describe them as Heavy duty) steps onto the train, the first thing they look for are 2 empty seats? Not just one. But 2. The fucked up thing is, is that they sit in the middle of the 2 seats. Where that white border is literally in your crack. That shit is not comfortable at all. I know cause I've done it. When I got up to get off, my ass has already swallowed my boxers. And to pick it, is ridiculous because there are about 50 people watching. It took 30 minutes before I was able to get it out. Have you ever tried taking out a wedgie without using your hands? I have, haha. This makes me laugh. I usually try when I'm crossing the street. It doesn't always work though. When I'm getting to the other side of the street, I hop over the curb. With this being done correctly I guess it opens up the cheeks a little bit and the wedgie is gone. IF it doesn't come out. Then I start looking for little shit on the sidewalk to hop over. gum, coins, leaves, dog shit...etc. If there's nothing in sight then I pretend like there's something there. I don't care if there's people behind me. I'll end up hopping all the way to the train station if I have to. Kids do it all the time. If you notice, kids will just reach back and just yank that shit out. But when adults do it in front of other people, it grosses everyone out. The other thing I noticed is the way people take a seat in the train. This I don't understand. When they're squeezing in between 2 people who by the way never fucking move an inch and also pretend they don't see you. The person squeezing in ends up literally grinding their whole ass from the top back of the seat and then slide (grind) their way down. I just had my back on that seat bitch. The next thing I noticed are those taking public transportation when they're sick. What do you do when someone around you has a cold? Do you say buck it and take this person coughing and sneezing all over your personal space? Because honestly, nobody uses their arm to cover their faces. They just spit that shit all out. Me. I hold my breath. This is no joke. If I'm in the train and someone just sneezed/coughed, im not gonna inhale it. Cause then im gonna have what they have. I don't want it. Did they ask me if I wanted some germs? No. This is how people get sick. Sometimes I feel like walking up to them and saying. You never seen contagion nigga? You killin' everybody. That movie made me think too. Especially when I'm holding onto the rails. Aside from those who should be quarantined. There is a new case that is Mireya. Un nuevo caso. La mujer esta loca. And I mean loquisima. My mother's issue now is Tripper. Poor guy. Tied up all day long because he pisses everywhere. Jhen says its because he's old and nobody walks him (including her when she's running late in the morning) but that's besides the point. Somebody just needs to jab this lady in the fucken throat! Caso cerrado! I, too have an issue with tripper. But only because he tries to be an assassin when Elias is around. He's slick. He thinks I don't see his games but I do. When I'm in the kitchen and Elias follows me, Trip starts to shake. Of course because he knows I'm watching him so he plays that whole "im scared and innocent" look. If I wasn't there he'd be plotting his next move to pounce on lil' homie. There will be no black on black crime in this 3rd floor apt house. Now, I'm pretty sure we all have favorite siblings if there's more than 2 in the family. For example: Jhen, Fonz and myself. If you dont know this, Fonz is Jhen's favorite. I don't think anyone knows who Fonz's favorite is. Apparently Jhen seems to think that I'm Fonz's favorite. And mine has to be Fonz. Fonz was over the house to watch the Yankees play Baltimore. I was in the kitchen talking to Mireya. Jhen comes home from work, drops her bags on the dining table which the kitchen is RIGHT THERE! And the first thing you hear after she put everything down was "Hi Fonz!!!"....I know she saw me standing there. But she chose not to acknowledge me just yet because Tino was over. Tino has to come first. What about your little brother who never sleeps in his bed because he lets his big sister sleep on it? I'm just saying. Now this was pretty funny. Jhen was eating dinner. Mireya was doing...something in the kitchen I can't remember. And I was standing around drinking my Malta. When Jhen asked Mireya to give something "a su hijo favorito" and Mireya goes "quien? A Yunior?" ...what can I say? I didn't choose to be this. I was the mistake. I'm in the kitchen with my mother and we just started talking about her life in Ecuador. Her life in new york when she came here illegally after the titanic sank. She felt it was the perfect time to enter since people were more concerned about that giant ship than illegal immigrants. Then we started talking about Fonz and Jhen and their biological father. After him, came some Colombian guy in a mafia. He might've been Italian, I don't know. Then my father. As she's speaking about him she's telling me after Jhen was born, she didn't want to have anymore children. This is the conversation we had. Mireya- "despues que nacio Yenny, yo no queria mas hijos. Cuando comenze a salir con tu padre, sali embarazada." Me- "So yo fui un error. " Mireya- "si, jajajajaj...digo..no no no. Como vas a creer eso mi hijo lindo, bello, precioso." Me- "Pero tu dijistes que si primero!" Mireya- "no, no lo pense chichi" Me- "ya no te creo. Soy el error de esta casa!" Mireya- "noooo! Jajajaj Me- :-/ ...caso cerrado!

sunday...fun day?

Sunday, a day off and nothing to do. I must've gotten home from work at about 9:30 that morning. I didn't know the kids were there but it was nice that they slept over. I've realized they're all super sweet and nice when they first wake up. All hugs from each. Well...more like they put their heads on my belly and I have to hug them. Their arms never go around. But still nice.

Damian was surprisingly sweet. To me anyway. For the first time I actually got to spend some time with my super powered nephew/godson. We were playing a baseball game on the ps3. Killing time cause there wasn't anything else to do. The girls were getting ready cause jhen was gonna take them to the city. When Dmac finally beat me, I decided to go take a shower so I can get some rest cause I worked the night before.

After the shower, I went straight to jhens bed (its actually my bed. But jhen coincidentally made it back to NY the same day my furniture came in....how is that possible? Quien le dijo? ). I hung my towel on the hook that's behind my bedroom closet. I don't normally put it there, she does, but since jhen went away for her and mikes birthday celebration, then over to Cali, and then to the canyon grand, which btw I told her to take the helicopter ride, I took advantage and used the hook.

So as jhen went to grab "my" towel, she felt it wet and then shouted at me asking if I just used "HER" towel. I said no! That's MY towel, and started to gag. Shit was nasty. I literally tried to close my eyes and hope it was all just a nightmare. But with the tears coming down my face, I knew it wasn't. Jhen and I were going back and forth at each other saying how its not yours its mine. APPARENTLY! When jhen came back there was NO towel hanging there. Probably because my mother entered my room (possibly looking for loose change) ended up seeing a towel there and assumed it was dirty and put it in the hamper.

Jhen must've picked out a similar green and white towel cause that's what I had also used. With all the gagging and shouting coming from the both of us. My father was in the next room and decided to come over and ask what was going on. With my hands covering my eyes cause at this point I couldn't look at jhen. I told my father "nada viejo, solamente que yo me seque la cara con las nalgas de Yenny! ". It was a complete disaster. I don't know how long I've been using jhens ass to dry myself off, but I don't want to know. I shut my eyes and went to sleep.

When I woke up the girls were gone. Damian was in Kenny's room still playing. I felt bad that he was left alone so I hung out with him. I needed to step out to the bank so I asked him if he wanted to come with me and then after I'll take him to the park. He said ok. As I'm waiting for Damian to get ready, he goes and gets his sneakers. Pulls out his socks from inside and puts them on. Now this is where I got stuck. #1- he had on shin high socks which looked like he tried to get them to his knee caps. #2- I couldn't figure out what color they were supposed to be because they were white around, and grey at the bottom which reached to his ankles. Were they dirty!? Has he caught on to fonz's legacy of reusing socks if they don't Smell bad? I didn't know. And finally #3- his sneakers were black on the top. Orange on the bottom. His shorts were grey. And he had on a baby blue shirt. Did fonz dress him? I was so confused.


As I finished making my deposit. I told Damian, let's take a walk to the park. He said he just wanted to walk around. I said ok, that's cool. When we got to the corner he wanted to make a right. I said ok. And I asked him where do you want to walk to? "Just around" he said. When we got to the corner he ends up making another right. Now I didn't catch on right away but I got the distinct feeling that this slick son of a bitch just wanted to take me around the fucking block. So I asked him. "Damian, did you really want to walk around or just around the block!? " he says "I don't know! " sucking his teeth as if he was confused. So i asked again "what do you want to do? " he took a long pause and When I looked up, We were already in front of the house...

Thrown under the bus..

Have you ever been thrown under the bus? Not literally of course. By no other than the people who "love you"? Well I have. Monday, Mireya was home. Doing her usual cooking and cleaning. Followed by some cleaning after the last cleaning. I'm getting ready to hop in the shower when she tells me that Fonz is on his way over to drop the kids off cause the "obliteraters" have a softball game to play. I laugh at the name sometimes because when I ask him who won he says "they did"...MAYBE, they should change their name to the "obliteratED".


Anyway..as my mother waits for fonz and is done cleaning the kitchen area which to her should be spotless I might add at all times. Even while you are cooking. She goes and takes a look at the living room before the kids get there and make a mess. I don't know where she was looking exactly. I was in my room getting my stuff ready before I jumped in the shower. I heard her yelling towards my father "WHO left a stain on my sofa!! And didn't clean it up?" At this point she's cursing out the world and probably regretting telling Fonz that she would babysit for him.

My father comes out of the room and checks out the sofa. I'm in my room (jhens room) making a face while shaking my hands saying damn!!! Fonz is gonna hear it when he gets upstairs!!..what did I know? My father ends up telling her "yo no se quien fue. Lo que yo se, es que junior y yennifer son los unicos (he said LOS UNICOS!) Que comen ensima de los muebles" ....seriously? What a bitch ass snitch!


First of all, he couldn't just say the living room. No. He had to specify and say the furniture. I don't even think he even considered trying to save any of us. For all I know, he was mostly concerned about his own life. Me. Im not gonna lie, I was scared like a lil biOtch. After I heard him put the blame on me, I ran in the bathroom. I'm not ashamed of it. Now I'm not gonna lie. I, too, have thrown someone under the bus. But none of you really know the wrath that is Mireya. When she yells or screams, it makes the hairs on my arms stand up. Puts a ringing in my ears and she can be 50 feet away from you.


I remember watching TV in her room...while eating dinner on her bed. You're all probably saying no wonder my father blamed me. Ok so what, he may have a point but protect me damn it. Mireya won't kill him and he knows it probably because he has no life insurance with the colonial Penn yet. I ended up spilling a little bit of juice on the carpet, on her side of the bed. I still had a full plate of food in my hands. Do you really think I was gonna get up? What if I did? What if I went to get paper towels? She would've questioned me. Why? Cause she's ALWAYS in the damn kitchen! Then she would've followed me back into the room to see what I was up to. I didn't want all that pressure. Cause then she would've kicked me out and I would've had to sit at the table and feel like I was on time out. So..I left it there. I continued eating.

With every bite, the shaking of my hands and the fork clinking against my teeth as I took food in. I was scared. I was scared that any moment now mireya will walk through that door and step on the spill. I began to sweat. Not on my face but my pits. The damn sweat was running down my arm cause it knew something bad was coming. Mireya. She came in and began to pack shit in her closet. Taking stuff out of one luggage and putting it in another. The room was fully lit cause I had the ceiling light on. Before she stepped out she goes to me while shutting the light off, "hijito porque no prendes la lampara?" She didn't even give me a chance to answer to say no its ok! She was already on her way over to me to turn the freakin lamp on when her foot hit the wet spot. When it did she went "HUH?" I'm crying inside at this point. And there's a monsoon coming down my arms.

She goes back to the ceiling light and asks me why did she feel something wet. I said wet? Really? Where? (Shaking)..Aqui! Aqui! While stepping on it with her crusts. How she felt it with all that stuff down there, I have no idea. She asked me if trippy was in here. I wanted to say yes! But I couldn't. He would've gotten a beat down. And I didn't want jhen to one day find out that I blamed trippy and got hit for nothing. I did the next best thing. The only thing that came out of my mouth ..."creo yo, que fueron unos de los muchachos" I HAD TO! I couldn't blame fonz cause he wasn't there yet. My father wasn't in the room so I was stuck. I didn't think she was gonna go bananas on them but she did. I could hear her questioning the kids asking them who was the one that spilled juice in the room. I could hear Damian shouting out "what!? It wasn't me! " and then the girls followed. I quickly got up to put my plate and my glass in the kitchen sink. When mireya comes in and says under her breath "los voy a matar"....as I walk back to the room with my head down I whisper "I'm sorry guys. I love you."

Sutra Tuesday with Tony Toca, Junior and..

So sutra was fun last night with Jhen and Melissa. No battling signals from jhen this time....didn't wanna bust a move on someone who might've gotten served.
Before the night even started jhen and I were home. I was getting ready while jhen was taking a breather cause she worked out a lot at the gym. So tu ya sabes. La pobre estaba cansada. I wanted to wear this grey collared shirt. But jhen insisted I didn't, ONLY because "my arms were too big"...what that meant, I really don't know. Fat? Maybe. Jiggly? Definitely.

Melissa and I ended up getting to sutra first. Cause jhen was "washing her own hair" O..M..G..I have to admit, it did look silky smooth.

While we're there having a beer, I noticed something.
You know when you go to lounges and there's always someone, just one, YOU think shouldn't really be up there dancing? Well there was a case last night. 12 o'clock, White guy with a suit and white girl who really shouldn't have worn that dress...horrible! This guy looked like he was a bit confused between swing music and hip hop. MAYBE! he was creating a new dance...swing hop..HA!!!!

The later it gets, the more people start to show up. Jhen is finally here. And her friend Mike. Who aparrently likes to grope her but we'll get to that later. Melissa and I are dancing. While jhen and mike are talking...in the middle of the dance floor. Apparently Jhen thinks I'm in a mix of hip hop..and Salsa. If this is true then I'm just gonna say fuck it and dance with swing hop over there cause from the looks of it. We're both trying to create new shit.

While we're still dancing. There's this strange older woman. Like Mireya older. Who literally wanted to dance with everyone that was there. It freaked me out a bit. When I stopped dancing she was nowhere to be found. Every time I was stomping the yard, she'd either be right behind me or to my side. I'm like damn bitch...you're hitting my elbows! Move!

The dance floor started to get a bit crowded, especially with people constantly walking back and forth. So we decided to stand on the side lines. As we're there bopping our heads to the new DJ and me doing my "salsa" moves..Jhen taps me on my shoulder gesturing me to look at my phone. She texts "habla bastante"...referring to her only black friend at Sutra. When Mike walked over to the bar probably to rehydrate himself from all the talking, Jhen comes to me and says he's "very touchy..I'm about to punch him in the face" I looked over to Melissa and told her its time to go cause shit..is..about..to go down! I didn't want to be a witness. I figured Jhen wants to start some shit in a room filled with black people, I'm fuckin outta here. Last thing I need is someone choking me out with a weave. How would you explain this to my mother?

Junior Back from Hiatus, Part 2

I don't even know what to write about. So many things has happened while jhen was out conquering the Asian world.

It's funny...she spent 3 years (umm… 2 years, Junior) in china and came back still speaking Spanish. I would've thought yun (YOON!), Jenkin aka uncle, or....the other...girl (can’t believe he forgot my homie, Yingsan’s name) would have taught her some things but nope. Nada.

The Chinese probably looked at her as someone who played for the WNBA. Mind you, for those who really know jhen...she's...not really that athletic. I think she used to play volleyball. Back in 19...90........SO jhen is back in the states. Living with her mom, Luis, Kenny, and myself. In a 2 1/2 bedroom apt.

She spends most...excuse me...ALL of her day in the living room/dining room. On her laptop searching for jobs. Checking out her Facebook. And Googling why Ryan gosling has a jersey accent in the movie "crazy stupid love"(Hey, I was curious and we were watching the movie!). Oh, and also drinking nothing but caffesito cause that's all Luis drinks all day long.

As most of you know, I have lived with jhen numerous times in the past. And throughout that time i have slept on the sofa. NOW that jhen is staying with US, she STILL gets a room and I'm yet again sleeping on the sofa...there are just somethings I will never understand (Hello. I am older!). One thing I did miss though is how jhen leaves a trail of her missing hair all..over..the..apt. if she were to be kidnapped...you'd know how to find her.

Mireya has become a neat freak. Something jhen hasn't witnessed first hand yet like the rest of us. Mireya is a housekeeper out in long island. She cleans. That's what housekeepers do. You come home and you relax.....not..for..Mireya. she is like a machine. A terminator..of dust and stove greese. When she Comes home From work, she lays down her bags, changes into comfortable clothes. Checks the bills and then goes off to cleaning the entire apt because to her "esta sucio ". Luis believes its menopause. Kenny locks himself in his room. And I...I...blame Kenny. No I'm kidding. I leave to my girlfriends house as quick as possible. Nobody wants to be there when she's there. Luis even pretends to sleep all day cause that's his only escape route.

And the worst part about it all is the grandchildren. Fonz's kids cause Elias can't tell yet how scary grandma is. Damian Maddy and kayden are afraid of grandma mireya. I remember Xmas eve Tracy was sitting next to Maddy. She reached over to get more food when oops she knocked over maddies drink all over the chair and the carpet. The reaction On tracy's face was priceless! You could read it too. Through the look in her eyes she was saying "I'm fuckin dead. Fonz let's get outta here before she finds out "

I look over at Maddy and she was crying! Not because her mommy knocked her drink over or because she was thirsty. No it was because grandma was gonna eat her with her crooked teeth. She knew what could've happened if grandma found out but she was lucky. They scattered off from the dining table before Mireya even scouting around. They were safe.