Clearly I have nothing better to do at work. And clearly Jr hasn't emailed me all week. Because clearly I am not as funny

JE :Why would red velvet cupcakes not have cream cheese icing??
What is magnolia bakery thinking??!!

DP: Seriously? Jeez.

JE: Blows

DP: You didn’t really want it anyway

JE: I don’t.. but we are having a little birthday party tomorrow.. and I know the woman whose birthday we are celebrating likes red velvet.. when I went on the magnolia website.. it reads “whipped vanilla icing”. Of course I called them, because clearly that was a mistake.

It wasn’t. I would need to pre-order, 2 days in advance if I want to “special order” with cc icing.

DP: "clearly that was a mistake". classic.

JE: You know how I do it.

Junior is very confident with his sexuality

Excuse my cackling in the background.

Mom's a diesel beyotch when it comes to her baby

Jr: So I forgot to mention, I saw ma last night. Well let's just say I was tricked. Karen...ur sister, calls me and tells come hang cuz I cooked. So I'm like ok. I just hung out cuz I ate chino cochinos already. So as I walk in there's mireya staring dead at me. And ofcourse I wasn't prepared so instead of jumping for joy like she probably expected, I said "oye y que tu haces aquí chica"?. So as we all know ma says ""como que, que hago aquí. Este mi casa carajo. No tengo derecho estar aquí ah? Nadie me quiere." so i say "ah no con~o si vas a comenzar con esa mielda yo me voy". So ma laughs and says "dame un beso mi chichito lindo"..................so I give her a kiss. Anyway, ma goes to the room with Karen and I follow bout 2 mins later. As I stand by mireya listening to their conversation she turns over to me gently grabs my hands and says "habrasame" and i say (while I'm trying to get rid of her monstrous grip on my hands)" no get outta here". She grabsmy hands tighter and pulls me closer and says "habrasame chucha que yo soy tu madre que te parió".......................so i hug her. What I want to know is where the fuck does she get her freakish strength from.

Jhen: She has strength????? Since when?

Jr: Jenny please no te hagas. Wat did u think?

Jhen: How would she have freakish strength??? Seriously.
So she was home? Why? So she tricked you in to going to see her? Because she missed you so much?? She is so bizarre


Jr: No Jen. She didn't trick me. Ur sister did. She failed to mention to me that mireya was there.

Jhen: I think she did because mireya asked her to…..


Jr: Well it shows I can't trust her. Buck it. Anyway did you figure out what to do Saturday?

Jhen: You are just now realizing you cant trust her!??!!!
Have you been living under a rock??!

Jr: Oh I'm sorry when the hell did you know she's not to be trusted? And apparently I am living under a rock but that's because you put me there.

Jhen: And if I put you under a rock it was to protect you from harm. Because… I love you.


Needless to say, there wasn't a response to my last post.

Thank Goodness My Dog is Alive

Hey jhen. What's crackalackin? How's Paris? Trippy is fine he isn't dead. He still has all his teeth. I miss your ass when the fuck you coming back. I dont have anyone to have breakfast with. I know your gonna say what about paul and Karen.....buck em ight LOL. Anyway I'm at work and fuckin bored. All this cleaning, I hate it.

Getting his grind on... with mama dukes

So after u left Sunday as you know I hung around till tino el chino showed up. We were all in the livingroom/bedroom including Alicia. Anywho, as I started to blast the reggaeton ma insisted she show off her mad dancing skills. So she starts doing wat she does best...the spinning waist and jump technique lmao. So ma starts telling everyone that I know how to dance reggaeton. So Alicia that fuckin bruta shouts show us dance with your mother. So you know ma gets hyped. So......lucky me I was standing smokin my stogey and she pulls me. So I keep tellin her stop it, get off me. But she wouldn't Jen. Do you know what it's like to have your own mother grind on your leg. NO, you do not. It's disgusting. Then after she stopped poisoning my leg she shouts Karen montate ponga junior en el medio. Now ma had me from the ass. I was hoping you would hear my call. I kept saying jenny please come back for me. Save me. But you didn't. I was left to die with mama's choche on my freakin thigh.

What is the opposite of the prodigal son?

Below exchange began after a brief conversation as to what we should do for Mother's Day


JR:Fuckin fonz that slick S.O.B, I forgot he wasn't going to be here.Anyway I have given it some thought and......I got nothin lol. It's noteasy. I was thinkin about taking her out but to where...ma iscomplicated. Plus she ain't the only one tu hermanita tambien.

Jhen: Right. Oops. Forgot about Karen..Ok, then we have to do something for both of them.And Paul is a broke- a$$ without a job so you, me, and Juan (if he isallowed to join us) are footing the bill.What should we do? It is going to be nice... maybe we can go somewherewith an outdoor?Or... we can ASK her. Trust me, she has already thought about where andwhat she wants to do..Do you want to be in charge or do you want me to call her now?

JR: Werd up about Paul that broke ass nigga. Of course juan can join us. Con~o chica pero what's wrong wit joo. Ma will b lost witout his spicy jalapeño ass that's one..and 2 you and I r not gonna be the only ones grabbin the bill. Chris will b there and caitlin I think is coming as well. Paul will take care of the tip with whatever change he can find. I guess I can call ma take down some info and feed it to you. I swear everything feels like a mission with this lady.

Jhen: It is. Find out. Call her.

JR: So I spoke to ma but I wasn't able to get any info cause my boss was in the office he told me to get off the phone. He's a fuckin Mandingo. I hate this fuckin platano. Anyway, so when I called ma. I said hola mireya, and this bitch goes bananas on me saying "que eso de mireya? Yo soy una mujer que tu conozes en la calle? Yo no soy tu fOcking mOther?" I'm like yo pero que te pasa chica porque tienes que gritar en el telefono. She's like "pero que eso de mireya, como me tienes que decir" I'm like dam wat is really good. So I tell Her hola ma como estas. She goes "ma nada me tienes que decir mami.." ok como estas mami (basically I just got bitched by my own mother). So she's all giddy now "hola mi chichi mi hijo lindo" she starts talkin about how her and Paul have been caplin me all day yesterday which by the way is bullshit cause I was up since 11 and got no call except from you and fonz. So I tell her wat time did you call cuz I didn't get anything? And she's like "no mentira yo no te llame pero Paul me dijo que el te tuvo llamando" and people wonder why I lie so much. Take notes cuz the one behind it all is the one and only mireya a.k.a the teacher.

AWESOME